Heyy y'all... I know that it is around Christmas time- for those who celebrate or for those that celebrate Chanukah or Kwanzaa... For me: the holidays bring up some deep issues and memories that I wish I can leave in my past..
Six years ago this year I lost a great woman and the third grandparent of mine to pass: Grandma Bason or Grandma B... I spent my holiday break in a funeral home and a mausoleum saying goodbye to a woman that I loved so much. But, I know that she isn't suffering anymore and she is playing her favourite slot machines as much as she wants. With the three most recent deaths of my family across the board, this holiday season will not be the best and a struggle and a major adjustment for everyone in the family.
Lately I have been depressed and lonely. I don't have many friends and I just sit in my room. With having no one to hang out with, it feels like no one likes me for the me and that truly makes me sad. I have learned that people use the weak link to rise above and big shocker here: I am the weak link :(
Learning how to deal with everything is a bumpy road and my recovery will be long. I don't give a flying f*!k about everyone else, it is all about me and that is IT!!! I am in therapy right now to just vent and find ways to deal with everything.
With the depression, all I want to do is get cozy in bed, drink tea, and watch either Netflix or TV. On top of that, I like going out but only if it is fun or something in that realm. My definition of fun differs from my friends and that I think is what pisses them off.. During the week, I don't really like to go out unless it is relaxing. My friends work days and I work nights after a long day of cleaning and laundry. Some nights I just want to be alone and some I just want to have company, Some say being single is the greatest thing and some say having a partner is worth it; I have never been on a proper date and been single my whole life. Some days I think that having a boyfriend would help so I can just stop thinking about everything but again being single allows me to work at my goals and stay calm.
So, that is pretty much what is going on with me lately and again I am sorry for not posting anything. This lonely lovely lady is working hard everyday to try and stay happy. Hope everyone understands and talk to y'all very soon!
Shannon
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