depressed on a Sunday night

so this is a casual post...


i am in the process of making dinner and all i do is ask one simple question and my mom makes some remarks that i know are meant for me.... why is it that my parents look at my brother as the golden boy and i am the ugly step child. i do my best things at night. so why question me...

up until tonight, my weekend was going good... work was busy, i had some really good fun with my friends... what more could i ask for... right?!?

usually at work, things are slow during the season, (which is strange because that year during this time, it was busy) it was a busy day. then i went out and had some fun before i went to my bestie's house. then i spent the rest of Saturday with Tiara and doing fun things and making up for not chilling on our appointed Friday hangout session.

Sunday is usually a lazy clean day. no grocery shopping was amazing. I was able to sleep in. the day was going good until the parent fuck you and clean. i am calmed down to a degree and eating my salad for dinner. I hope the rest of the week goes so much better.

i get depressed and feel alone at the drop of a hat. it gets in the way of me wanting to be fun and go out. i feel that no one will date me because i am not the thinnest thing ever. my friends have to drag me out of the house to go out and to do things. i hate living like this and i wanna change. but old habits die hard.

i wish that the guy for me just comes and takes me away and i never  have to look at Roxbury again. i just wanna pick up and leave the past at the door and start to write a new chapter. everyday i feel like Monica from the classic 90's tv show Friends, i am the ugly girl that no one talks to. reliving high school all over again. i am too fat for anyone and everyone looks at you like ohhh she is ugly, fat. no one will ever date here. her younger brother is cooler and more fun to be with. my parents even like the brat more.

just writing this makes me cry. my little brother is doing better then me? :( it makes me curl in a ball and never wanna leave me room. i challenge anyone break down the wall and help me through the tough times and be there. i hide my hurt well, so have fun breaking my shell.

-shannon